When we were born and placed here on earth, God placed in each one of us a memory of Him. Throughout all of our lives, we strive to touch that memory, to re-kindle in ourselves that fiery love of our God. We are not perfect, however, and that memory fades and gets twisted around. We strive to get it back. We strive to feel that love again within us. It is in that striving that St. Augustine speaks, when he says, “Our hearts are restless, until they rest in Thee.”-1  What he hints at is that we seek Him in so many varied and imperfect ways.

It is that restlessness of which I speak to you today. We are not perfect, but yet that memory of Him pervades us. We want to, oh so very much want to feel that love, unite so perfectly with our God again. But our humanity, our imperfections get in the way. So, driven by this memory of love we try to re-kindle it. The ways that we try to do this are probably as numerous as the stars.

We seek to re-live, to find that memory, again and again. We seek it in our friends, in the company that we keep, in our pleasures, our wealth, our power, and our addictions to drugs, alcohol and sex. In so many ways we seek to once again feel that spark, that joy which makes everything right again. We want to feel alive again. And, possibly even, momentarily we think we feel relief. But it is fleeting. It passes by leaving us, once again, drained and restless.

In all of this confusion, we drown out the very spark that we seek. We get so entangled with the search for this memory of love that we don’t realize we have lost our direction. Floundering and frustrated, we are willing to let that ember die. But God did not give us something that we could abandon, that we can live without. So without realizing it, this memory grows stronger in us, this love will not die.

Here and now, I am telling you that that ache, that gnawing search within you is your own quest for God’s love. The stronger you have that ache, the more pronounced it is within you, it is to that extent God is loving you and wanting you to love Him back. “This cannot be”, you say, “I do so many horrible things”. God’s love for us will never diminish. We will never be able to comprehend the extent that He loves us.

When we don’t know which way to turn, or rather, when we continue on our fruitless path knowing it is still not the answer (for we have tried it so many times before) then is when we should just ask Him for help. Do you think that God, who loves us so very much, will let this cry for help go unanswered? We already know that we need help. We already know that which we have sought out in the past has not given us what we seek. We already know that that ache, that restlessness deep within us will not go away. What is it, if not our craving for God’s love, for His embrace once more?

Just let our prayer be, “Lord, I believe in You, help my unbelief. Lord, I want to love you, help me to love you more.” Our God will not turn a deaf ear to our pleas for help. Pray this daily and let the restlessness go away. Remember His love once again.

-1 Confessions of St. Augustine

Advertisements