I have been confused for a good portion of my life. I was, and am happily married. Nevertheless, I felt that something was still missing in me. Within these past two years, I really believe Christ decided to wake me up, or at least, give me many opportunities to wake up. The most important thing that I realized was that, in my early life, I was not ready for responsibilities. I was too self-centered, too selfish. A gradual change began when I met my wife. Slowly, over the course of my marriage, I learned, by her example, that happiness did not depend on worrying about self, but rather being concerned for others. The beauty of our marriage blossomed with two wonderful sons, and a family that grew together.    

This transformation progressed over the course of our marriage. It did not happen all at once. It has taken over 39 years and is still moving forward to its conclusion. Things happen for a reason, I truly believe that. God is an all-knowing God, and is very much aware of what we suffer, want, need and feel. He is also timeless and very patient. All we can do is put our trust in Him, and say,“Your will be done”. I have begun to realize that Christ was with me all along, waiting for me to accept His love. He has been gently guiding me. His boundless love for us surrounds us every day. Even in our hardships, He is there with His hand outstretched, waiting for us to slip our hand in His.

The strange part about this awakening, however, is becoming aware how much our actions can hurt so many people. To think only of self is the best way to go to, and live in, hell. When we turn our heads, and look back at what we have done with our lives, we might see the hopes and dreams of others that we may have hurt. A difficult pill to swallow.

For the last few years, I have been obsessed with trying to make things right with Christ. I felt that I SHOULD be doing something for Christ, to pay Him back, so to speak. Maybe I should do this, or maybe I should do that. But that, in itself, was the problem… the words… “I SHOULD”. And I never realized it. So I aimlessly went around certain that I should be doing something positive, something Christian. I just didn’t know what. As I said earlier, within this past year or so, I started to recognize some very important facts. One of these facts was that our God is a timeless God. He does not view our lives at one specific time, or one specific act, but rather as a progression of steps. The meandering path that we take, will at times lead us towards or away from God. We must place our trust in Him, knowing that He will help us find and stay on the right path.  Another fact recognized and understood, was that Christ came into this world, solely for us. He showed us how to live, and most importantly, showed us that He forgave us our sins, by dying on a cross. When I finally realized and BELIEVED this, I knew that the rest of my life was not meant to be a repayment for a life of things gone wrong, of things not done for others. I am to live a life of a Christian, a Catholic and the rest will take care of itself. This is not a rationalization, something to convince myself that all is ok and make myself feel good. I know that I am finally on the right track, moving in the right direction.

Don’t misunderstand me. I am still struggling with my selfishness. I am still a person who does slip and fall. But, that is the beauty of Christianity, we all are. We all struggle with our problems, our lives, our sins. Christ is still there, patiently waiting for us to accept His hand. He knows the price of our struggles and has already paid for them. Everything that I am saying I believe with my entire being. The problem of what should I be doing does not exist for me, nor for anyone. “Should” does not contain any thought of love, but only obligation. The question that we all face is “How much do I/we love Christ?” “What does it mean for us to be His followers?” If we have something that is so beautiful, so inspiring, so uplifting, then we will want to share this with others. Our love for Christ will be visible to those around us in the way we live our lives. Our lives will do Christ’s talking. We will want to do things for others, not because someone says we should, but because we want them to know and experience the happiness that is Christ. What a wonderful world it would be if we all chose to follow Christ, listen to His words, and learn by His actions.

I do believe everything I have said. My should has changed to wanting people to experience His love. With a single brush stroke, Christ has changed my whole outlook. I want to let people know about Jesus. To let them feel His burning love. For this purpose I started thesteppingstones blog site. Not because I should, but because someone might see a benefit by coming here. My Jesus, I trust in Thee.

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