Memories

         When we were born and placed here on earth, God placed in each one of us a memory of Him. Throughout all of our lives, we strive to touch that memory, to re-kindle in ourselves that fiery love of our God. We are not perfect, however, and that memory fades and gets twisted around. We strive to get it back. We strive to feel that love again within us. It is in that striving that St. Augustine speaks, when he says, “Our hearts are restless, until they rest in Thee.”-1  What he hints at is that we seek Him in so many varied and imperfect ways.
         It is that restlessness of which I speak to you today. We are not perfect, but yet that memory of Him pervades us. We want to, oh so very much want to feel that love, unite so perfectly with our God again. But our humanity, our imperfections get in the way. So, driven by this memory of love we try to re-kindle it. The ways that we try to do this are probably as numerous as the stars.
         We seek to re-live, to find that memory, again and again. We seek it in our friends, in the company that we keep, in our pleasures, our wealth, our power, and our addictions to drugs, alcohol and sex. In so many ways we seek to once again feel that spark, that joy which makes everything right again. We want to feel alive again. And, possibly even, momentarily we think we feel relief. But it is fleeting. It passes by leaving us, once again, drained and restless.
         In all of this confusion, we drown out the very spark that we seek. We get so entangled with the search for this memory of love that we don’t realize we have lost our direction. Floundering and frustrated, we are willing to let that ember die. But God did not give us something that we could abandon, that we can live without. So without realizing it, this memory grows stronger in us, this love will not die.
         Here and now, I am telling you that that ache, that gnawing search within you is your own quest for God’s love. The stronger you have that ache, the more pronounced it is within you, it is to that extent God is loving you and wanting you to love Him back. “This cannot be”, you say, “I do so many horrible things”. God’s love for us will never diminish. We will never be able to comprehend the extent that He loves us.
         When we don’t know which way to turn, or rather, when we continue on our fruitless path knowing it is still not the answer (for we have tried it so many times before) then is when we should just ask Him for help. Do you think that God, who loves us so very much, will let this cry for help go unanswered? We already know that we need help. We already know that which we have sought out in the past has not given us what we seek. We already know that that ache, that restlessness deep within us will not go away. What is it, if not our craving for God’s love, for His embrace once more?
         Just let our prayer be, “Lord, I believe in You, help my unbelief. Lord, I want to love you, help me to love you more.” Our God will not turn a deaf ear to our pleas for help. Pray this daily and let the restlessness go away. Remember His love once again.

-1 Confessions of St. Augustine

God’s Call of Love

Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald

         I was getting ready for the day and I read a sentence about God’s repeatedly calling us. A song flashed in my head from a movie a long time ago. Before I was born, a movie made in 1936, called “Rose Marie” starred Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy. In it they sang a duet, entitled, “Indian Love Call”.  The first lines were (following some very long oooooooooooohhh rhyming with you): When I’m calling you, will you answer too? Anyway, this song popped into my head. (Yes, I am that old, to remember it.)
          The point is that every day of our lives, without exception, our loving Father in heaven beckons us. He calls us to do His will. (CLICK …… many minds just turned off.) Unfortunately, we think of His will as being something very devout, very religious, and very unnatural. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Every day, His call comes to us. It comes with people, with events, with our surroundings. These are things that we experience… every day. He does not want, nor expect us to put ourselves into seclusion, to shut out all that we see and feel and hear, in the name of religion.
           We hear, time and time again, that we should love one another. (Ooops, another … CLICK.)  This doesn’t mean that we are constantly smiling at people, treating them with some plastic glued-on face. It means that we are sharing our life, our experiences, yes, even our failings, if in doing so we can help someone else with their problems. This is the love that we are to have. This is what is meant by God’s will.
            You might say, “What do I have, that can benefit anybody?” What do you have? Your life. Your experiences. That is what. This has been said before, that each of us is unique, that each of us has something that no one else has. Yes, we have problems, we have worries and concerns, and we have faults and sins. Some of these we are struggling to overcome, and some seem to be overcoming us. But in that struggle of yours, you ARE learning something about yourself and about the situations. From your perspective of this or that, you are unique. You have something that someone else needs to know. What have you learned? How did this make you feel? How do you think that person in a similar situation feels?
            Put these two thoughts together. God is calling us every day in our life and our experiences. And love is being concerned about everyone with whom we come in contact. If we see our struggling selves, know our faults and good points, and realize that God is loving us all the while, then we must recognize that others also are struggling and are loved.
            We don’t have to go stand on a soap box at a corner and berate ourselves for who we are, or what we have done. All that God wants for us (His will) is that we recognize the similarities of each person’s struggles. He want us to embrace each other, knowing the hurt and shame that they feel and wishing to alleviate and encourage them, in some way, because we have been there, too. This is God’s call to us, every day of our lives. Can we answer it today, and every day of our lives?   

Where Do We Find Truth?

          We have all heard and maybe even uttered the expression, “What can he (or she) possibly know?” It seems like a normal enough statement, but at its core, it is very judgmental. When a statement like this is uttered, it is usually looking more at the person’s qualities, their life style, than at the statement that was made. Many times we are viewing how that person measures up in our eyes. What he or she says or does is being pushed back. We are no longer looking at the utterance made, or the action taken. We are looking only at the person and not what he said.

          How do we come upon truth? Where can we find it? Does it come from only intelligent persons? From only people that walk and talk and live like us? To be exact, truth comes at us in many forms. Sometimes it resides in words that people say. Sometimes their actions reveal the truth to us. We may not even be looking for it, but it comes at us anyway.

          Why all these words on Truth? One powerful statement in the New Testament tells us why. “And the truth shall make you free”^-1.  These words were uttered by Jesus to the Jewish people. On hearing this, they immediately were affronted and attested to the fact that they were free men and had never been slaves.  They did not see nor hear what was being said, but rather what they could immediately take exception to. (Dismissing their slavery in Egypt, Babylon and even their being subjects to the Roman Empire.) But Jesus went on and said, “…whoever commits sin, is the slave of sin” ^-2.  He was trying to help them understand the importance of truth, which is He, Himself.

          After the last supper, Jesus’ response to Thomas’ statement that the apostles did not know the way was, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father, but by Me”^–3.  Again, Jesus is telling them, and us, that the only way to make sense out of our lives is to constantly seek out the truth…no matter how it comes to us. We, of ourselves, cannot be united with the Father, except through Jesus. His words, not mine. With that all-important thought our mindset should be, no rather, must be to seek out and accept the truth no matter how it comes to us.

          Getting back to our original statement: “What can he (or she) possibly know?” We won’t know until we listen to them with our hearts and minds open. Even the ramblings of someone who has seemingly lost all control of their own thoughts may very well say something that might trigger a thought in you. We don’t know where or when truth will find us. Similarly, we don’t know where or when God will speak to us. He can speak to us in a breath of fresh wind, a sound, a hum or a smell. Each of these may trigger a thought, a remembrance, a feeling in you. You can just say that it was a coincidence. Or, your faith, your own convictions may tell you it is something more. All of us are on this earth for one thing, and one thing only. Each of us is called to commune with our Father in heaven, to speak our unique dialogue with our God.

-1 John 8, 32
-2 John 8, 34
-3 John 14, 6

Suffering

         I was thinking about Padre Pio, and reading about how he not only accepted the pains of the stigmata, but that of all the pains that he had to endure. Very selfishly, I thought, “How easy it must be to accept the pains if you know they are given by God.” I immediately felt guilty for having that thought. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t really grasp just why it was wrong. That guilt started me on a path of thought that I believe enabled me to view how all pain and suffering can and should be endured by us.
         If you really believe that God is God. If you really believe that God loves you and is truly concerned about you. Then I hope that the following will help you with your pains, with your suffering.
         Yesterday, was Trinity Sunday, the day we celebrate three persons in one God. A mystery, yes! Can our finite minds understand it? No. We cannot understand it anymore than we can understand infinity. The glass can only hold so much liquid. Our finite minds can only hold (and understand) finite things. We, as Catholics, believe that God, a perfect Being, has three persons (aspects, If you will) the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “…he that sees me sees the Father”. -1 And later, He said, “And I will ask the Father, and he shall give you another Paraclete (Comforter/Advocate…my insert), that he may abide with you for ever” -2 For ever? The Holy Spirit, also must be a person in God.
         God, our God, is a loving God. His creation of love continues even now. He loves us so much, that He sent His Son. “By this has the charity of God appeared towards us, because God has sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we may live by him.”-3 All of these above references show the Love of God, the Persons in God, (or, if you will… aspects of God, that because of God’s perfection must take on existence , and do so separately, but one.) This digression, I feel, was necessary so that we can address the loving nature of God. God, truly does loves us, and said in very simplistic terms, can do anything. (This is not a treatise or proof about the Trinity. No amount of writing can explain the infinite.)
         At the beginning of this article, I spoke of Padre Pio’s acceptance of all the pain that he experienced. How should we, you and I, view our pain? What pains do you live with? Physical pain and suffering that stays with you every day. You feel the ache every time you move? Does someone in your family, or maybe you, yourself, have an addiction to alcohol, to drugs, to pleasure? What worries or fears consume you? What are all of the negative experiences in your life that you wish would just go away and disappear?
         If God loves us, and can bring about anything He wishes, why does He allow us to suffer, to bear these pains, to experience all these worries and cares? If we view St. Pio’s life we would see an emerging growth. The more he suffered, the more pain he endured, the more closely he became united with Jesus. He, Padre Pio, did not glory in the pain itself, but rather the acceptance of the pain was his gift back to God. It was his thank you.
         Our attitude towards God, where we allow Him to be in our lives is extremely critical for us. If He is distant to us, if we talk to Him only when we want or need something then our fears, our worries, our hurts and pains will consume us. Our life without God will revolve solely around ourselves. The more distant we hold Him, the more we will focus on the pain to ourselves. We will only see our life and the things that are good and bad for us. How can we willingly accept the pain or the hurt if we do not cherish the existence of God in our lives?
St. Pio’s words, in one of his letters to his spiritual director, say it best. “My face blushes. I know very well that the cross is a token of love, a pledge of pardon, and that a love not fed and nurtured by the cross is not true love, but rather is reduced to a fire of straw.” He continues on that he “…feels the cross weigh heavily on his heart, and many times (do not be scandalized or horrified, O father, by what I am about to say) he goes in search of a merciful Cyrene to relieve and comfort him.”-4
         Each of us is asked to establish our own love affair with God. Each of us is unique to God and He wants nothing more from us than to love Him. He allows our pains and hurts, just as He allowed the stigmata of St. Pio. The fire of our love is tested, is tempered, and is enhanced through our sufferings and pains. We may understand all of this intellectually, but until we allow this love of God, this understanding to flow deeply in our hearts we will be offering God an empty or half-filled bowl. It should help us to realize that even Padre Pio, at times, wished to find someone else to carry his cross. It is easy to say, “I must accept my sufferings.” This, however, is a task that will carry on throughout the rest of our lives, becoming easier and easier as we grow in the love of our God.

-1 John 14, 9
-2 John 14, 16
-3 John 4, 9
-4 Secrets of a Soul (Padre Pio’s Letters to his Spiritual Directors)   Pauline Books and Media

Peace vs. Fear

        Yesterday, the Christian world celebrated the feast of Pentecost, the fiftieth day after Easter. We hear in the Gospel how the Apostles were all gathered together in a locked room in fear. What they were afraid of is really unimportant. If it were fear for their lives, or fear that they would be tortured, or just fear that they would be ridiculed… whatever the fear is of little consequence. The most important aspect of their fear is that it resulted in their doing… NOTHING!!
         There they were huddled behind locked doors. What did they speak of? Were they praying? The matter was grave so obviously, there was no levity. Their hearts were heavy, were troubled by the “abandonment” of Jesus. Though they had been with Him for three years, had heard His words of love and peace, had seen the miraculous cures of lepers, of people born blind, of people who had died, they were still afraid. And, in spite of all that they had seen, had heard, had understood by being with Jesus because of this fear they could do nothing. The fear gripped their hearts so intently that it rendered them incapable of speaking about Jesus, preventing them from showing the love and peace that had been theirs just a few days earlier.
         Such is the curse of fear. Whoever it grips it renders them powerless. It prevents them from saying and doing what they know must be said or done. To combat this Jesus comes to them and simply tells them, “Peace be to you”. In saying this to them, He is also saying it to us, as well, “Peace be to you”. For fear and peace cannot co-exist.
         What fears do we have? What are the things that prevent us from doing what is right? What fears have locked us inside our own hearts? They are many, our fears. We fear being ridiculed. We fear being regarded as a failure. We fear what others may think or say about us. Are we afraid we might be judged incompetent, dreamers, foolhardy? We might be rejected. We might be laughed at. If I do that, people will wonder about me, they will think I am crazy, they will talk about me behind my back.
          What are our FEARS?? What are OUR fears??? We cannot ignore them. We must be able to recognize and admit to ourselves what they are. In the quiet time of our lives we have to objectively look at ourselves and see what irrational fears we have. With the precision of a surgeon’s scalpel we need to recognize what does and does not belong and take the necessary steps to remove that which does not. The causes of fear may run deep. We may or may not be able to see or understand them. But what we can do is to see and understand the resultant fears. I may not know why I am fearful of what people think of me, but I can recognize that that fear does exist. If we can see it as irrational, then we can begin to take the necessary steps to overcome it.
          How do I want to be? Is what I want to be a good or a bad? If it is a bad, then I must look elsewhere, for what I want to be. If it is a good, then what is preventing me from being that way? If you dig deep enough, you will find the preventer is a fear. That fear is the key to your future. It is the key to your heart. That fear is what is preventing you from being the person you want to be, is preventing you from being the person the world needs you to be. That fear is preventing you from being the loving person your family needs you to be. It is preventing the Peace of Christ from filling your heart.

To Sing, To Pray, To Reflect?

         I need help in trying to understand what place hymns have within our Catholic liturgy. I realize that prayers take on many different and myriad forms. And, I understand that hymns offer us a truly significant way of lifting up our hearts and minds to God. And, finally, I totally agree that the church is comprised of all of the faithful. Thus when all of the faithful, in one voice, sing praise to God, the Church is glorifying God the best way it can. Ok, so what is my problem?
         The problem that I have is I fear that with so much emphasis on praying and singing together as a community, the individual’s needs are being trampled on. We sing at the beginning of Mass, which I believe is totally appropriate. The community rejoices aloud for that which is about to take place. We sing our responses to psalms, which is exactly how the psalms were intended to be prayed. The Gloria, the Holy, Holy, Holy and the Great Amen are all occasions of joy and should be sung with gusto and enthusiasm. Even the closing hymn, the community rejoices over what has just happened and prepares each other to go out and bring Christ into the world. All of these occasions are not only acceptable venues for song, but probably even demand that they be sung.
         BUT… when I receive Communion, I, the individual, need private time with my Savior. I need my refuge, my time of peace and quiet to express my love, to hear Jesus whisper His love to me. Yes, I am part of a community, but I am an individual also. My participation in this community does not cause me to lose my identity. No, on the contrary, my being a member of this community magnifies my need to be a vibrant, vital cell of this Living Body. My growth in Jesus, my love for the Beloved must continually increase. There are many opportunities for this growth in Jesus, to be sure. But isn’t it most logical that at that most intimate time when Jesus and you are truly one sacramentally, you and He can truly commune? You and He can have the opportunity to speak to each other’s heart? That intimacy cannot be accomplished if we are required to sing words from a hymnal. At that crucial, intimate time we sing words that really don’t reflect our thoughts. We are unable to express our own personal thoughts.
         In our desire to express our love and unity for each member of the community, we cannot sacrifice the need for the mystical, as well. We want the Church to be dynamic, and purposeful. We want it to be relevant in today’s world. How is this to be accomplished, if we deprive each member of the community from establishing a meaningful relationship with their Savior?
         We might argue that singing and joy is a natural outgrowth of having just received Holy Communion. And that argument would be totally correct. But, if singing at Communion must be done, then let it happen after everyone has had the chance to speak privately with their Lord and Savior. Isn’t it more logical to clap your hands and shout for joy because Jesus has already come to you? After you have been nourished with the Bread of Life, after you have once again expressed your love and re-dedication to the Lord of Life, then it is time to sing. Now, as an individual, having been nourished, it is time for singing and an expression of joy. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. Each link needs the climate, the time and the opportunity to grow.

How Do We Pray?

         Usually, I begin a blog with a theme, or thought in mind. The only thought that comes to my mind, at this time, is the aridity of my soul. The “dark night”, I guess, is what it has been called. I went over to the hospital this morning to bring Communion to any of the patients wishing to receive. There was no jump in my step, no feeling of being alive. I was almost ashamed to be bringing Jesus to these people, in my state of mind. At Mass, prior to going to the hospital, all I could do is ask Jesus to take my lethargy and somehow use it for the benefit of the people I would see today.
         It was in this state of mind, with this feeling of apathy, I entered the doors of the hospital. Now, I truly believe that to pray our personal prayers we must recognize and acknowledge the condition we are in. We must be aware of who we are at that time of prayer. For it is in this aspect of ourselves, in this condition, we make our prayer to our heavenly Father. We cannot dupe God. We cannot pretend to Him that we are something that we are not. He sees us as we are. To meet Him in the middle ground, we have to also see ourselves as we are. To me, my condition was one of sadness, of aloneness. It did not shout out that Jesus, my Lord, was with me. It did not manifest the joy of bringing Jesus to others. I felt truly like a hypocrite.
         I cannot go into any details about this morning’s actions. I can only say that by the time I had arrived at the patients’ floor my demeanor must have changed. I don’t know when or how it happened. I was not even aware that my apathy was gone. I just went about the business of seeing patients. Usually, as I get tired, the end of the morning sees me cutting shorter the visits with the patients. (As you can see, there is a lot of fixing up needed by me.) Today, however, was truly different. I sat and talked about Jesus. I told people about Padre Pio and what a great saint he is. I felt no need to hurry. I felt no tiredness. It was different, somehow.
         What is the purpose of this blog? Why all of this narrative? It is to simply say, “Our prayers do get answered”. It is our openness to God, our recognition and acknowledgement of our current condition, our willingness and desire to be at one with Him, it is all of these that unite us in prayer with God.
         This has nothing to do with me. I am simply recounting that I did not want to be a stumbling block to Jesus. I did not want to negatively affect the people I would see today, because of my state of mind. My prayer was simply a desire NOT to be an obstacle but my willingness to be a conduit, if it were His will. The fact of the matter was that I did not know what or who to pray for.
         We don’t know all the answers. We cannot pray for events to happen, because we don’t know if those events will be the best thing that could happen. Maybe we are to struggle a little more, and unbeknownst to us, that struggle is what will strengthen us, will purify us, and will make us united with Jesus. All we can pray for is trust. Trust in God, will enable us to truly say, “Your will be done.” Without trust, our prayer will sound like, “Your will be done…if I agree with it.”